I do it all the time – put pressure on myself to meet my own and everyone else’s assumed expectations. What are these expectations? They are elusive and murky lists of human perfection that I’m not even sure are actually real, or that I care about. Listing what those expectations might be on this blog right now is actually too much pressure for me to handle currently.
The latest pressures, in general, revolve around trying to maintain a full-time and somewhat demanding job, a balanced family life with my oh-so patient and understanding family, and keep up a regular writing schedule that makes me happy and actually accomplishes something. Don’t even get me started on the whole social media lure – I recently read a quote (forgive me, I have no idea where from – too much pressure to remember) that said successful writing was 3% talent, and 97% not getting distracted by the internet. No shit.
I knew in the beginning when I began this blog, that my inability to not be perfect all of the time was going to affect my ability to create blog posts. Like today – it is one of my few days off that is usually reserved for writing. I had friends visiting from out of town that I haven’t seen in two years. We had a fantastic time and it was so great to see them, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. But it was yet another day I didn’t focus on writing in a succession of pressure-filled days of the last two weeks.
But if I want to write little snippets of genius – ala Vince Gilligan – than there is no recourse other than to keep going – despite the pressure. I sometimes feel that if I could only ingest more caffeine, much of the pressure would go away. Or if I had enough sleep – but if I get enough sleep, that usually means that I didn’t do that last bit of writing, or I completely forgot my family existed for an entire day, or I ignored trivial tasks such as bill paying, grocery shopping or peeing. Which reminds me…
I’d better go and take care of a few things before I go to bed, I’ve got a full day tomorrow – gaaaaah! Too much pressure!